103.

This is me: sitting in the library listening to John Butler Trio, trying to

get my homework done for the week and trying not to loose my sanity. It's been a hectic week, as my editor said so lightly... it hasn't just been a hectic week. It's been an insane week. They told me that university life (ergo work) would creep up on me. But foolishly, I didn't believe them: and now it has. More than that--it's becoming reasoning to have an anxiety attack

. But working in the library probably wasn't a good idea when i was the most hungover I've probably been in my life. I need more coffee, and maybe a 3 hour nap. But i have a pretty extensive list of homework, work which for some reason I can't finish at my home @ Solin <3 because it's home and there's so much more shit to do there, you know?

My first Leacock's piece will be up soon: Yay! I have 2 coming up. Keep a look out, kiddies, this girl's a journalist now. ;)

I have to say, even though i'm in college and my world is changing more than i can believe, the thing i miss most is being able to just call my best friend and have her pick me up, and sitting in her car at steamboat and talking about the world. I'm growing up, without my past life and it's scary. I'm independent but I feel that I might be losing myself in this crazy mess of lights and parties, and homework, and fun. I mean i've already gone past my own limitations to try to find connections with people. I have best friends here, and i've built bridges and formed connections but I'm not a girl that just has physical fun and sleeps around... I want to form a physical connection that lasts... and maybe next time he won't have a girlfriend .____. Fail.

So as of now, in this new college life I'm just going with the flow, and hopefully I'll get caught on the right rock and form a real connection. We'll see. Won't we?

Keep you posted, more than i have been ;) And the photo rendition of my day is coming. Probably Monday,

Love always, Valerie.

102.

To be quite honest... I don't know which blog I prefer, but I will link it up if it happens to be the latter.

Thanks for dealing with my fickle heart.

101.

I realize I've been neglectful... I also realize (as a big grownup college student now--odd as that sounds) that I shouldn't end a blog because things end badly or because I'm embarrassed because of what's been written. That is so cowardly: at least I believe. It's time now for me to accept my history of thoughts as my own, no matter how pathetic and ridiculous and desperate. For a time, no matter how short or disgustingly long: I felt those things, and feelings are not something to condone but celebrate. I am consistently inconsistent and fickle as my blog title suggests.

And for neglecting those few readers still reading, I am sorry I made the grand mistake of trying to start over: I always try to do that. But things aren't capable of just starting and stopping, they're a continuum like relationships, personalities, realities, hardships and pleasure.

And I'm tired of trying to start over and over and over again.

So here I am in Montreal, after attempting a clean slate at home, and attempting a clean slate of a better Valerie, which for the most part has been successful. And because I have assignments due tomorrow, tomorrow I will picture categorize a day in the life of a McGill student... this McGill student: Valerie, Me. I will show you my every[Tues] day and how things go down.

So, off to late night psych work: Valerie.