82.

So, the fact that i love literature- the journey, the lessons, the people I meet along the way: and it has shaped most of my life. I remember when i was 11 or younger and i would go to the library every week and that was what I most looked foreword to- the miles of books that stretched along ivory covered shelves, their spines broken and creased with time and love, the back of the elderly book shaped around the rotting pages and the torn skin. I loved running around with my mother in tow, dragging her along aisles until I was beside myself with a pile of books, especially in the summer, when the brisk air conditioned cooled the sweat on my forehead. I remember thumbing through with a concentrated look on my face: my pink tongue swelled to the front of my mouth, peeking through my innocently young lips. I remember penning titles on lists of summer reading books, and I was so proud. I see now my mother sitting near my bed, with her back propped up against the side, reading and reading and reading: I liked watching her mouth move. As I slipped into slumber I gazed at that mouth that kissed me on the forehead morphing and stretching itself into sounds, and words, and sentences, and how my world would eventually go dark and quiet.

Later, I remember writing down the words that once captivated me, even to the one syllabled, "a" or "the" that strung coherent thought together.

And now i remember this: I remember each moment as it passes by, a page so recently passed that you can quickly turn back the page and re-read the moment, but not rewrite it. And how i wish i could rewrite it. But remember it with love, like the last line of a book you can't re-read for the first time. A story where you can't remember the ending as much as you wish, then train wreck you can't wash out of your brain. Remember what you can't rewrite.

81.

Did anyone notice i skipped 75 and 76? lol.

So i've undertook a new project, a really intense one that I'm actually going to finish:

No. It's not about books and it's not about writing, although i do enough of that for school as it is, I'm saving finishing Ner0& Nadia for the summer at the toll booth. What I am doing though:

Is creating my own Prom Dress!!!!!!

I'll be keeping you guys updated through my blog on how this project goes, right now i have the design drawn, and the fabric bought, and the sewing machine in my room-- hopefully it'll move past that with the delightful help of my friend Becca (my sewing savior)

The inspiration of the dress is a pride and prejudice style with the colors from Hermione's Yule Ball dress. The slightly low empire waist with simple a-line skirt and laced accents really make it very Austen. On the HP front, the rosy colors are evocative of Hermione's dress in the Yule Ball movie, not so much the book.

And the next step of course would be designing it:

and next would be to secure a sewing machine from my lovely friend Cola:

and FINALLY we went fabric shopping (Kyra, Becca, and I)

And Becca was really happen about her Africa-style cotton.

This is the fabric for my dress:

So wish me luck, and pray to the sewing gods for me,

Valerie.

80.

wow, i feel so old, well in blogger years.

Merry Christmas to every soul that reads this, i wish you all the happiness, all the things you desire, even the ones that can't fit under a tree.

My christmas eve at least so far, was magnificent. I mean, you can't really get better than magnificent, can you. I got into college! (...sigh... finally) and maybe they were just waiting for christmas eve to come to give it to me. And i caroled which is one of my all time favorite things to do, i mean it's christmas and i love to sing. Put them together and viola! it's the best thing ever. Also tonight i had indian food which, if you know anything about me is my absolute favorite, even if i now have a food baby. It's chill. I've decided for the world, that the week between christmas and new years is quite possibly the best week of the year. It's magical. I mean well Christmas Eve is magical, and New Year's Eve is magical, and the middle of those two days, obviously must be magical as well.

I always dreamed to get engaged on Halloween and married on New Year's, my favorite two holidays of the year.

79.

Life reflection with valerie, sort of like story time but so much more profound.

Stairs. If there was an epic battle between stairs and humans, I would have to be a cat because they have owned me throughout most of my life. But, those bitches can't walk up us, can they? Any who, i realized that i fall down or up the stairs almost everyday of my teenage life is because i walk up them with excitement and passion--pretty much because i anticipate where I'm going ( which is going to be awesome) and i've learned that like life, when you're too busy looking to the future, when you're too caught up with the emotion of going through the motion, that even an inanimate object can take you by surprise and knock you off your feet, much less something with a soul. So, what i've taken from all the tumbles i've taken, is that you have to notice the little things, and respect them because they can turn into the catalyst into the new stage in your life. I mean I didn't like, fall down stairs into the most popular and attractive guy in school and figure out that he's my prince charming-no, nothing of the sort-i fell and bumped my leg, yet, maybe I'm falling for a reason.

I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason and fate and coincidence because they're magical, and i think- i hope that the universe is rooting for you, for everyone.

Stairs, where the magic happens.

Stair experience:

my beloved english teacher fell down her stairs about i suppose a week before school started, and was really hurt so didn't make it in for the first week of school. At this point, i was in her creative writing class, and because she wasn't in, she left a first lines assignment to finish phrases, and from one single phrase i came to write the novel I'm working on now. Stairs. OH, stairs, and I'm sorry my english teacher was thrown under the bus by that instance --- down the stairs? Punny, yeah i tend to do that to a fault.

Valerie.

P.S. Spiral staircases are romantic <3>

78.

77.

Dear college gods,

the waiting game is detrimental for an impatient girl like myself. Yes, I understand it takes time and effort to mull through the applications, and to get the real sense of me. And i know that "snail" mail is in fact, indicative of its name, yet I can't help but grow anxious as we come closer to that january 1 notification deadline--you only have 11 days left, and i sent my application more than 11 days before the deadline, so can't you show that same respect? You are the first college i applied to, and the first one i hear back from, and i'd like to have a sheer piece of hope that i won't be destitute next august/september when the fall term starts.

If you really want to know the true me, cut through all that common app bullshit:

I'm Valerie.

I visit the thesaurus frequently.

I have an uncanny calling to Paris, France.

My favorite subject is English, because I feel closer to people, and pride myself in understanding human nature, in an author's terms.

And I have more faith in fictional characters than most forms in flesh and blood, and follow their advice more closely than friends.

I curse A LOT, and i think that vulgarity is a part of language that cuts to the core of human vivacity and raw emotion.

I'm a love-sick puppy. all the time. I believe in love at first sight, true love's kiss, all that jazz.

I find that learning languages is the deepest respect for another's culture, and throughout my life want to show people that I have the courtesy to communicate with them on their terms.

I have an open-mind, to me nothing's weird. ever.

Winter > Summer. always.

I make mistakes, a ton of them, and if you're willing to forgive me, hitch me a ride on your bandwagon for a great 4 years.

Grant my wishes-even if you don't live in a lamp,

Valerie.

P.S. and if you accept me, rest assured I will:

74.

so sorry i haven't posted in awhile, i've been sort of distracted... you know with school and all that jazz. Have i mentioned how much i want to be rid of this place? I mean don't get me wrong, i love my school and my friends, and there's something warm about here, but it's time to get a move on to something new. I've been so limited in my experiences... i mean how much can you discover at a mall, in the movies, in your room? i'm not saying my home isn't a home... it was a great place to grow up but not so much to grow. I wish to just be wild and free, without any expectations. I know that'll never happen unless i'm a homeless recluse, but a girl can dream, eh? i've been listening to florence and the machine nonstop and i'm in <3...>

I can love music and books and movies and friends and feelings, but being in love is hard to find these days. Just saying.