I always thought wanting as this weakness, because if you tell someone what you want they can just take it away, pull the rug out from your feet, and all you're left with is nothing. Less than you started with. Someone just stole that piece of you, that hope, and I can't just let people run away with my hope.
"Give it some time
Give yourself hope
Or I'll give you mine
Cause I don't need it any more"
Just saying... i need all the hope i have. And i can't afford to just put myself on the line all the time, but people can't read your mind and find out what you want: as much as I wish they could. It would make things so much easier. But no one's going to wake up with telekinesis, or else i'd be in as much trouble as i was in ecstasy ;)
I also believe, though, that every single little thing in this world happens for a reason, and maybe what's been happening to me lately is going to finally express what i want. Because the quality of life doesn't reside in your education, or your job: it relies on other people. Love is a two way road, and to have the great pleasure of love, i guess i first have to shed this cocoon and finally show the glass little figurine i am, and maybe let myself break for a change, i may have cracked, but that was the one other time i told someone what i actually wanted. That didn't turn out well, I didn't get what i wanted; which i didn't really express correctly. I mean i hope I will in the near future... But I'm scared. shitless.
I thought this was appropriate:
"It's time to change, throw out the books and start again
Break all the rules, fall on your face, don't be ashamed
You can't waste more time, 'cause you've been gone for far too long
Trapped in his arms, safe without harm
Follow your heart, don't be afraid
You think that you're OK
But I don't believe in what you say
You think that it's too late
But it's not good, good enough for you
Don't hide away
'Cause I know that you've got what it takes
I believe you can be what you wanna be
Let yourself go, don't you worry about a thing
Breaking the chains - so hard to begin
Follow your heart, don't be afraid
You think that you're OK
But it's not good, good enough for you
Don't hide away
'Cause I know that you've got what it takes
I believe you can be what you wanna be
Don't hide away
'Cause I know that you've got, got what it takes
And I believe you can be what you wanna be
Don't hide away
'Cause I know that you've got what it takes
I believe you can be what you wanna be
You can be what you wanna be..."
So, this is my declaration. I'm going to tell people what I want.
Because in the wise words of Gigi (who some people recognize as me)
"I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are."
I hope all these wise words serve me as well as I want them to.
