121.

I know this is a big risk, and i can easily make myself look like a complete idiot who hasn't learned anything about pride, or life, or love, or time, or anything but what i've read in books and seen in movies. And it's late at night, and i'm lonely and nostalgic. And i watch love happen and you always come to mind. I don't know if you're going to read this (hopefully you won't if you don't feel the same way, which is completely fine: just don't tell me that you saw it this time around, and we'll forget this ever happened and live our lives as friends)

So this is what i have to say. To you. I have never felt the same about anyone else in my life. Ever. To this day. You filled me with butterflies when you looked at me, you took my breath away: I was head over heels. Even after, I couldn't look at you without this dramatic, disgusting, and overt emotional reaction. And i know you're forever from here, and we're both forever from that moment. But It was just now, that a song came up on shuffle, and I just thought you should know that I never stopped waiting for you.


Whispers in the dead of night, V.

P.S. What I said was true: don't say anything if you don't feel the same way. Pretend I don't feel this way about you, if might be a wave of nostalgia or desperate loneliness. Just know me as a friend at least.

120.

Capsules hold
Sands shift
Tides push
and winds blow.
Hands hold
Feelings shift
Bodies push
and breath blows whispers under the bright moon.
And that is all we know.
Everything is natural, eventual, and maybe that's what makes us real.

-V.

119.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here: I'm lonely, meta-lonely, I'm coming to this realization that my existence has no extreme bearing on my life, and I've only known these people for what.... a few months. I have been really happy: that is very true I've been experiencing a new facet of independence: I'm an adult in an adult world, and that scares me to death. But furthermore it excites me, except then I realize that the only people who know me as this mature person are the ones i've just met.


I miss home. I miss my parents, I miss my friends, I miss my High School, I miss my teachers, I miss the useless crushes I had to keep me sane, I miss having shoulders to cry on: I feel like I can't cry here, I haven't yet: which is uncharacteristic of me: my eyes feel strangely dry and I feel strangely indifferent. I miss feeling completely secure in my relationships because we had fallen into a habit together, a routine of consistent love. I miss that: I miss not failing in the romantic department for one, too. I mean that might be of my own fruition or there's but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. (Not that I had perfect relationships at home either)

"I'm an addict for dramatics
I confuse the two for love"

Missing everything. But also not, strangely in the in-between, V.