thirty six.

bitches and hoes. i just got back from work. let me just say as a disclaimer, that no matter how good having money is, working a job is WORSE. My jobs are the trifecta of my "happiness". toll booth torture mixed with a lil dirt monkey lovin' 4 nights a week. I have to say though, i'd love to write about the customers i get at my job from the cheap decal jobs on their cars to the cheap tattoo jobs on their skin. To the bitchy ghetto cats. Their characters i suppose. If they're worthy of USA they're worthy of my time. Because i watch USA like a bad habit. My moms giving Melissa( my moms friend) and I a kickboxing class. I'm saying a hell yeah! Hmmm in other news... drivers ed has been absolutely delectable. Besides the early wake-up, movies like "Red Asphalt V" really get me going. They fly my kite high in the sky. I finished Winesburg, Ohio today at work. I guess that was my goal for today, and i achieved. I succeeded and reached my goal. I'm going to start volunteering at the V.A. pretty soon with Ash-Attack. That makes me happy about life. Old people >.< Old war veteran people. I should be jumping for joy, shouldn't I? I don't really have that urge. Besides, my mom will be making me jump (idk if it's for joy) in about a half hour. I'm about to get changed into the normal everyday garb: sport bra, tank, shorts. Yum. I know this may gross you out, but i have a confession to make. I don't shave as much any more. For the record I'm usually a woolly mammoth, and i feel pretty gosh darn liberated.
Tonight i'll either be rockin' it at Ben's humble abode or spicing my life up at the St. Augustine's Fair.
You can't expect too much of me, ya know?

Later Haters, Valerie.

P.S. Visit me at work tomorrow anyone?

35.

i've approached a moment of clarity. I realize that over the last few days i've been teleporting from bitchy to silent to depressed in about a millesecond each and it kind of sucks to be around me. to the people that have dealt with it: thank you. It really isn't my emotional standing of choice. After i got through the whole vacation fiasco, that would really spare me so i'm not going to talk about it- i reached a moment of clarity, in which i felt inspired to do something productive. Productivity i've lacked in the last week by fueling my inevitable boredom with movies and mindless television in conjunction with stalking on facebook. Today, though i'm going to grasp this new found motivation in both hands and do something- i know that's amazing. i want to get a haircut, clean out my room, write a novel, climb a mountain, go the mall, repair my room, reinvent myself TODAY. i want to get something done, to show the world, that NO i am not feeling sorry for myself today, and it doesn't matter than my sucky summer is holding me down. this free time will not be wasted. i will change myself and make self-sufficient memories. Independent and self serving.

Mark my words, Valerie.

yeah i know.

It's been awhile. I'm just so bored i can't bring myself to do anything productive. I have packed and I've written Tara two letters, but other than that i've been sitting in my house and watching law & order svu. What a crime drama. i'm eating a grapefruit. Yummy boosted metabolism :D Today i'm going to driver's ed at 10 am to drive like a maniac, maniac. and then later on i'm going to the india house for lunch then work at 4:30-7:30. and then at 7:30 i have kickboxing, which i'm probably going to get ditched for, like i usually am. I'm sick and tired of being treated like this expendable reasource. When ever you're bored or have no one else, that's the time you call valerie. You can't make lunch the first 2 times, you can't excersize with her, you can't driver her to the bank. Even strangers are doing it, aka the Apple Store. Don't get me wrong, i effing love them. BUT get me a new iPod already.
So since my presence is expendable, and my friendship is as well, so is my creativity. Maybe I'll get a burst of energy when i leave for vacation on friday. The salt water will do good for me. I swear, i won't be as much of a pity party later on.

Hating summer, Valerie.

32.

It was a roller coaster with cold feet. The inevitability of a happy ever after didn't even phase me.

It never does, the chick flick fanatic.

Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen is totally note-worthy. With the hints of feminism and looking beneath the surface and change and second chances. Can't even describe.

Parallelism FTW, Valerie.

32.

I was sitting on the bus on the way home alone, just listening to the static bus radio and watching people disperse from school. I saw the girl hugging the stomach of her boyfriend and laughing giddily, i saw the effortlessly cool and chic girl, walking powerfully away with her band mates, wind in her hair, that wasn't manufactured. I saw the badass throw behind him a can as him and his friends slouched to the oh-so-popular hang out. And then there was me, the kid riding the bus home with intense cramps and no idea what she was doing. It then hit me that i wasn't part of a stereotype. I suppose that's what i always wanted. I wanted to be different, to be the girl who gets along with everyone and - i do. Every person i saw walking out of that school i have been friends with, every one of them share memories in my heart. But there was an odd stereotypical longing to belong in a tight wound group that shared something more than classes and common interests. I wanted a quirk that made me a stereotype, so i was definable. But i'm not definable except for the ever classic :insane or "nice". and I'm not a stereotype. In a stereotypical world, like on a yellow school bus watching, that mentality takes over. Like a veil in an old sitcom. 

Thoughts, V. 

30.

Dissociation.

            No I don’t mean like isolating yourself from society. When an ionic compound is placed in water, aqueous solution the ions dissociate so that an electric charge of sorts can easily pass through the mobile ions. It’s the same as a bunch of new people in a new room, separated from themselves, almost. Can be who they want to be. Compulsive liar’s bliss. An electric charge can change everything, move everyone back into their place. Reveal truth. Court cases are like that. 12 jurors, no connection but the charge of justice, hope, truth. Justice for the defense, hope that there is justice and truth in this world, that’s the charge. It’s hot and stingy and fuels people like nothing else.

            Like a common cause during a storm. When survival kicks in. When it matters.

            Electricity. 

28.

Spring break is a wonderful time, friends.

Here comes the sun :)

I'm extremely excited for my spring break this year, its already been fun-filled with coolness from cola's parties and gi adventure "late lunch" picnics and such. I just can't wait until everything finally falls into place. I'm not even THAT mad about the 3 essays, research project, reading 100 pages, multiple choice questions that i have to do for English. I mean that's not even getting my panties into a bunch. I can't wait to visit the new Panera Bread that just opened around me, thats awesome. And last year me and viv's coolness in track practice was rediculous. 

This year Ben can drive. 

Sorry it's been a little scatter-brained, but my mind is on spring overload. Parents are cookin a bbq.

Sweet Summer Breezes full of BBQ smells, V. 

Ps. I gotta get new times for some guitar lessons. I miss that.