121.

I know this is a big risk, and i can easily make myself look like a complete idiot who hasn't learned anything about pride, or life, or love, or time, or anything but what i've read in books and seen in movies. And it's late at night, and i'm lonely and nostalgic. And i watch love happen and you always come to mind. I don't know if you're going to read this (hopefully you won't if you don't feel the same way, which is completely fine: just don't tell me that you saw it this time around, and we'll forget this ever happened and live our lives as friends)

So this is what i have to say. To you. I have never felt the same about anyone else in my life. Ever. To this day. You filled me with butterflies when you looked at me, you took my breath away: I was head over heels. Even after, I couldn't look at you without this dramatic, disgusting, and overt emotional reaction. And i know you're forever from here, and we're both forever from that moment. But It was just now, that a song came up on shuffle, and I just thought you should know that I never stopped waiting for you.


Whispers in the dead of night, V.

P.S. What I said was true: don't say anything if you don't feel the same way. Pretend I don't feel this way about you, if might be a wave of nostalgia or desperate loneliness. Just know me as a friend at least.

120.

Capsules hold
Sands shift
Tides push
and winds blow.
Hands hold
Feelings shift
Bodies push
and breath blows whispers under the bright moon.
And that is all we know.
Everything is natural, eventual, and maybe that's what makes us real.

-V.

119.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here: I'm lonely, meta-lonely, I'm coming to this realization that my existence has no extreme bearing on my life, and I've only known these people for what.... a few months. I have been really happy: that is very true I've been experiencing a new facet of independence: I'm an adult in an adult world, and that scares me to death. But furthermore it excites me, except then I realize that the only people who know me as this mature person are the ones i've just met.


I miss home. I miss my parents, I miss my friends, I miss my High School, I miss my teachers, I miss the useless crushes I had to keep me sane, I miss having shoulders to cry on: I feel like I can't cry here, I haven't yet: which is uncharacteristic of me: my eyes feel strangely dry and I feel strangely indifferent. I miss feeling completely secure in my relationships because we had fallen into a habit together, a routine of consistent love. I miss that: I miss not failing in the romantic department for one, too. I mean that might be of my own fruition or there's but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. (Not that I had perfect relationships at home either)

"I'm an addict for dramatics
I confuse the two for love"

Missing everything. But also not, strangely in the in-between, V.

118.

Clearer than the headlights through the fog,

the thoughts: there they are,

just beyond the horizon

117.

I apologize.

I apologize

for the air I breathe

for the moments I seize

for the things I may do with ease.

I apologize

for the decisions I make

and the chances I take

and the times I might seem desperate or fake.

I apologize

for the phrases I interject

and the lives I intersect

for the facts about you I may, in fact, forget.

I apologize

for the sounds I voice

and what causes me to rejoice.

I apologize

for filling empty time

with pointless rhyme,

for, maybe, crossing your mind

for the times I have been unkind

or how I so easily unwind.

I apologize

for my specific views

and how easily I bruise

and the passion I infuse,

into everything.

For the phrases I overuse

for when I'm late to pay my dues

and the meaning behind my tattoos,

for how many times I press 'snooze'

I apologize

I don't apologize anymore

for how many times I swore

or for how loudly I snore.

For loving you until you're sore.

I may have apologized before,

but I don't apologize anymore.

-V.

Look. Pictures!

116.

"They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,

Love and desire and hate:

I think they have no portion in us after

We pass the gate.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses:

Out of the misty dream

Our path emerges for awhile, then closes

within a dream" -Dowson

115.

Stunner, oh my if i could look like this. another picture of beauty.

Oh yeah, and the academy was right, The artist was a FANTASTIC movie: captivating, rich, unique. A breath of fresh air and a picture of the past. Perfection.